i hadn't realized how long it has been since i was last on here. although i should be tired and trying to head to bed right about now, i am wide awake. last night i was watching a meteor shower with my friend and all i could think about in that moment as i was lying looking up to the stars was just about the beauty of the creation around me. to think that a God who created every bone in my body, every detail on my face, every crack in each leaf as it dried, created something that seems so insignificant at times for my pleasure. funny how that all works out. we were watching the shower until about 4am and the whole time i was just mesmerized by it.
i was mesmerized yet again though by the love of my creator. little old me. i don't think that there will ever be a time that i will fully understand why He chose me. at times i feel like Jeremiah did when he said Lord i don't know what to say for i am only a child, or Daniel who was trembling before the pit of lions or David and the giant and called out for God to truly use him and to give him the boldness and courage that he so desperately needed and sought after. here i am in this moment though crying out for God to once again whisper into my ear and tell me everything is going to be ok, that it is all going to work out the exact way that He plans. yet as i am sitting here trying at least to find some kind of warmth, i can't help but question. and be confused in so many ways about things that are going on in my life.
life is hard and i know that it is not always going to be sunshine and butterflies, but i was promised that in these moments of desperation and calling out for God to speak to me, that there is a God who loves me. who said and promised that He was going to hold my hand during this moments, that He was going to wrap me in His arms of peace and rest and to cast out all confusion. i refuse to be like that man who built his house upon the sand, so when the rains came and flooded his house was swept away. but i am going to like the man who built his house upon the rock, so when the rains came he was safe.
i don't know exactly what life throws at each of us for it is all different situations and circumstances. but one thing to be sure of is that although we may not know what is going on, we must trust that He does. that's faith. stepping out into the unknown because He told you to. so here am i God. here is all of me. because if you can't have all of me, then don't have any of me...let everything i do be all for you!
