nomad wandering.

i don't really know how to put this. it is kind of like how i've been feeling these past several months. is it really possible to have a mid-life crisis and only be 23? i honestly don't know who i am anymore, what i like or dislike, or even what i'm doing. it honestly feels like going through the motions of my own life. i feel frozen in time as i'm watching my life pass and having that numb feeling to it. i can't honestly pin point when it happened, but it was like one day i woke up and BAM here it was! i think i've tried everything under the sun to shake myself out of it. it's like an itch that just wont quit! 

i don't feel like me anymore. i've let a lot of things just envelop my life, some things i thought were good and right, but only to seem to have blown up in my face! i don't know why or how it happened, it just did. i let my wall down for that brief second and it's like the troops storming the beach of Normandy. i've watched sappy romantic movies hoping that that would bring about some kind of emotional response, or even action and thriller, but alas nothing. where have i gone?

how do you return to the land or normalcy? how do you snap yourself out of it? i wish it was like in inception when they just dunked the person in water and it woke them up from their dreams. and an even better question will i feel this again at some point in my life? will i feel like i can't breath, like i can't even walk down my street without feeling some strange sense that i have to look over my shoulder, like my life is falling apart in my hands and there's honestly nothing i can do to stop it? it's like i'm afraid of my own shadow for some strange reason. 

when did i become this person? and when will i wake up from this emotional nightmare? i feel a sense of compliancy which i don't think i've felt in such a long time. maybe it is time for a new move, for something else...is this a mid-life crisis or just me? how do you move on when everything you once thought you knew was still tied to that one thing...when even turning on the radio reminded you of it? how do you return to that place or normalcy again?