chose your worth.

there has been what seems like a lot of life lessons that i have come to recently learn probably in ways that could have been learned a littler easier, but i have pushed them off and allowed them to snowball until now. the past almost 4 months of my life have seemed like a year instead of the short time that it actually has been. there has been things that i have had to come to grips with that i honestly thought i never would have to, and other things that i have allowed to distract me from what i really want. however in the end it has been things that i can either chose to define me or i learn from. i am giving a fair warning now this is about to get raw…
at the end of october we as a family had a very hard situation present its nasty head. one of the most influential men in my life who i have looked up to since i was little, had to overcome probably one of the hardest things he will ever have to face. my poppy (also known as a grandfather) underwent open heart surgery. by the grace of God everything went well and he has a little up hill journey because of it. here is where i learned life lesson number one. although i have know this lesson for years i had to come to grips with it really fast. people and life are not immortal. not to sound like a debbie downer but the human body was not made to with stand being immortal. as much as i love to think as my poppy as superman, and he is in his own right, there will be a sad day when i will have to kiss him goodbye and see him on the other side.
for years i have been in denial of death. it honestly is because i haven't had too much death in my life and i don't know how to deal with it. i honestly think and have believed for years that when a person dies they are just going on vacation or moving and I'm just not going to see them again. its when its months or year(s) later when something reminds me of them that i deal with the waves of emotion that crash so violently on my shore. however that was not the case for my poppy. we had to prepare for the possibility that anything could happen. it was also here that i learned life lesson number two. in times like these the best person/people you could possibly lean on is your family. as much as everyone says that they will be there for you through those times they aren't. now i'm not saying that as a bad thing, but lets be honest everyone has their own life and things that are going on and can't be there 24/7. however the other people i.e. your family, that are going through this journey with you that are battling these emotions will become your biggest support.
life lesson number three comes from a different point however. towards the end of this time when my mom was coming home from my grandparents i allowed what seems like situation after situation to distract me. whether it was some stupid boy or "friends," i started to allow these things to define me. it wasn't until recently that my eyes were open to these things and i learned life lesson number three. only you can decide what defines you, only you can chose your worth. you are the keeper of yourself and you answer for the consequences of your actions, so whether you allow material things or boys, or other things that come up in life, you are the only one that has the final verdict and say to allow those things to start defining who you are. whether you allow what that person beside you that is saying that nasty crap about you, it doesn't matter if its true or not, you are the only that has to decide what your worth is. if you are going to put up with it or just walk away because you know it isn't worth the time of day.
i guess wrapping this all up, we all learn lessons like these at some point in our lives. as hard as they are to learn i encourage you to in a way embrace them. learn from them. decide what you are going to let define you. chose who you want to be and don't stop until you have reached it. chose your worth. and more than anything once you have made your decision hold your head up and be confident in those decisions.