11 days

this is will be my second time traveling back to the beautiful country of Panama. to say the least i am extremely excited and so ready to be immersed back into that culture. it has been about 3 years since i first went and there is not a day that goes by when i don't reminisce about that trip and the way God totally shook my life.  it was the time in my life when i was beginning to doubt my calling and everything that God really had for me. i had grown up in the church most of my life and it was the same thing to me each week. i would go into service. stand for worship. listen to the pastor preach. pray and then go home. i didn't know what it truly meant to be a follower of Christ. i had lost whatever respect i had for God that summer. although on the outside you would have never known. i put on the facade that i was ok. that i had this amazing relationship with God. and i won't lie there were times when God totally broke me, but i was so burnt out that i honestly didn't know what to stand on.
i went off to college and it was like a breath of fresh air. that year i got so close to God and was beginning to find out who i was. i finished up my freshman year knowing that i was going to be ok. i went home that summer and God just gave me a lot of growing experiences. i began to feel comfortable in my own skin for a time being. i went back to school that fall still trying to figure out what it meant to be a true follower of Christ. i began to be mentored and be able to fellowship with 8 other girls who were asking the very same questions as i was. i began to let some of the things in my past go because i knew that holding on to them was doing me no good. summer came again and i was faced with even more challenges that i would have to overcome. i went back to school last fall feeling something different in myself. it was like a chapter begin to wind itself down. but i was fighting to keep it open at least for a little while longer.
around christmas i knew it was time. i transferred to a school closer to home and felt like i was myself. like i could be myself. i met some great friends this past year and was shown that it was ok to be myself and open up. during all these experiences and challenges i knew that God had something truly amazing in store. i got a phone call from my youth pastor about interning this summer at my home youth group. i accepted after prayerful consideration it has blown my mind thus far. being an intern i have the privilege to go as a leader on a missions trip. although i was praying to go to peru i knew that Panama was exactly the place where God wanted and needed me. i guess what i am trying to say is that every situation, challenge, hurdle that we come into contact with is never without a rime or a reason. i feel like i have faced more than my share, but i know that there are hurting people in Panama that need me. i am looking forward to every second i get to spend with them. to just love on them. and show them that they don't have to give up. that there is a God who loves them, and wraps them in His arms of love.