junior year.

wow! let's just say it's been awhile and since march & so much has changed. i don't know where to begin. it feels like yesterday i was walking back onto campus for the fall semester not knowing what to expect. it was then on my first day back that i honestly met my best friend. not knowing how she would be pouring into my life over the next few months. 12 of us sat in sga training not talking just looking around  the room awkwardly waiting for the year to start. fast forward to start teams, where i met so many of the new students & where new friendships were birthed. as the days progressed i remember writing on my calendar in the to do list section: "make new friends," & this year i did. the first days of school started & as october hit i dreaded going to class or even being at school. i wanted to be home, where there was comfort & life away from being stretched. little did i know the things that God had in store for me.
i would love to say that this year was an easy year all around, but that would be a lie. i can remember sitting in my room crying out for God to move in me, to show me yet again why he called me into ministry or better yet, why he loved me. it wasn't until december that i started getting the answers to these questions. i started to read the book Captivating & my world was turned upside down. i felt like every story, every topic in that book was written for me & about me. it helped me understand who i was & why i believed so much in people & in humanity as a whole. as fall semester wrapped up i was faced with yet again more opposition & hardships that i never saw coming. i felt so low & i was desperately seeking & reaching for a hand up. i was literally at my lowest i had been in years.
i had put so much pressure & stress on myself that i was finally starting to feel it & little by little i broke. as i sat in the prayer room all i could do was cry & again ask why? it was here that i vented and got everything out, & God just listened, but it was also here where he answered me completely. i was called to ministry because i believe in people, i believe that everyone could be saved & reached. that every youth student had the opportunity to be believed in & loved. that every person whether in the states or across the seas, they weren't too hard to love. that i had a plan and a calling on my life that i wasn't going to understand at times, but it was in these times that i needed to step aside & truly allow God to use me completely. he yearned for me. he was breaking my heart for those around me, but i had to understand that the things i was going through were for that girl or boy who was stressed & had no other outlet or option other than crying out to God. for that single mom who didn't know how she was going to provide for her children, that there was hope & a light at the end of the tunnel.
this year i was blessed to have several people who were influential & poured into my life time & time again. i had people who believed in me & prayed me through. & tonight was one of those nights where i truly felt the prayers of family & friends praying me through. i sat in my room waiting to check out & all i could do was cry as i saw so many of my friends from cbc graduate & walk across that stage getting their diplomas. i pitied myself & questioned why i was at vfcc. yet again it was God who answered & told me that there were things that i was never going to learn if i had stayed at cbc. there were times when i needed to be pushed completely out of my comfort zone & be challenged. i wasn't going to get it there. i had become comfortable & in turn lazy. i needed these people in my life to pour into me. i needed times like after easter when God broke me yet again for the heart of the youth & reminded me of his love. i needed times like this when i wasn't afraid to ask him questions. we each have our time when God is going to use us & not always do we understand these moments, but we look back on them and realize what God was doing. for me it was tonight when i got a little glimpse of what God had done in my life this past year & how he blessed me & directed me every step of the way thus far. thank you to all who poured into my life this year & challenged me to greater things that God has in store.